Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

ARE YOU A MERMAID OR A WHALE

Posted by me comments (1)
Oh my gosh — this was too funny not to post. And by the way, I’m brilliant. You’ll understand when you get to the end.
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Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:
¨THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?¨
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends.

With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good gosh, look how smart I am.

 

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Stuff Christians Like

Posted by me comments (0)
OK... so I love the blog. There is SO a reason it's on the side over there on your right!

I don't read daily... I like to save a few up and read them in a day.
Right now, I am sitting here with tears going down my face. I love how fantastically funny some people are.

the blog entry is:
“Figuring out a loving way to quit a prayer chain.”
and he asks readers to come up with good chapter titles for this topic

and so far, my favorite ideas are:

"Uninvited: The Eternal Implications of Clicking 'Remove Me'" (Jarrod Haggard)

The best use of your Spam folder. (Nicodemus at Night)

Stuff Christians Like: Praying for your OWN friends (Mikki Black)

"How To Unsubscribe From Jesus and Still Go To Heaven" (Jarrod Haggard)

"Faking Your Own Death: And Other Fantastical Ways To Deal With Those Pesky Prayer Chains" (Jarrod Haggard)

Stuff Christians Like: The Eschatological Hermeneutics of Petitioning External Entities to Beseech an Omniscient-Omnipotent-Omnipresent-Omnibenevolent-Deity Though Ones Recollection Neglects to Remember the Aforementioned Circumstances of Authorizing or Affirming to Complete Such a Voluminous Task with Immense Existential and Spiritual Consequences (Tim)

"Who Taught Grandma How To Use E-mail?
The troubling truth behind the Nantahala River Community College Geriatric internet education course." (Jarrod Haggard)

Why Pray? It's all predestined anyway! (so cracking up here) (Pete the Brit)

When email filtering is not enough: Persistent prayer petitions (Joanna)

The real reason I switched Internet Service Providers (T-Bone)

P.S. Snopes.com should have a prayer request verification option. (Amanda Fisher)

If your email prayer chain causes you to sin - cut it off (Hillary)

"Prayer Chain or Gossip Group? (Nick)

Oh man...

 

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